Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Found your dick twin last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
