I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
