i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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