Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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