It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
