this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
