Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
