you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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