i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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