I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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