how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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