forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
