nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
