Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
