If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
