take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
