Dual....:-)
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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