don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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