I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
