the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
