On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
