Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
