I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
