Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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