Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
