WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
