The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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