awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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