now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
