Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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