So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you made out with another girl for some wings
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
