how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
