his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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