I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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