hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
