Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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