Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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