Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
