Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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