Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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