he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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