there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
