Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ugly people sure do ruin things
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
