so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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