there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
