We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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