I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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