what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
