hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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