just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
