Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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